How I found out I had chronic pain

I finally accepted that I might have chronic pain when I was standing in a germ filled lavatory for over 5 minutes, just to get some relief from sitting in my uncomfortable plane seat. That was the worse flight of my life, I had pain starting in the small of my back and radiating around my hips and down my legs. The pain was so severe, I started vomiting 1 hour into the 5-hour international flight. Every time I sheepishly walked past 20+ rows of travelers to go puke, I was relieved to be out of that seat again.

When I got off the plane and through customs, I was able to lay on the dirty concrete airport floor. As I was happily laying on the cold floor like a makeshift ice pack, my husband called me to see if I was okay. That was the first time I admitted out loud my pain wasn’t normal.

There was clues that it wasn’t normal long before I was laying on a filthy floor in public. Yes, I am stressing that part again because it is so out of character for me to do. I have been doing a lot of out of character things because of my back pain. For months I’ve avoided bending, sitting and I’ve been laying on so many floors.

My career revolves around chronic pain and helping clients take back control of their lives. Then here I am letting my back pain dictate every movement I made. It took laying on a gross airport floor (I promise that’s last time I’ll mention it), for my denial bubble to finally pop.

The recent signs

Since August my back has been going out, like unable to walk, going out. About 5 times in the past 3 months I’ve been bed ridden. I’ve been home alone and had to army crawl from room to room. On those days, I seriously consider peeing the bed because of how much it hurts to even slightly move. I’ve never peed the bed, but it is always a very real conversation I have with myself.

Starting at the end of October, I began having a new trigger. Sitting upright in a chair for any length of time was becoming excruciating. If you were paying attention to my social media, you know in that time, I was hosting a retreat called We Deserve Joy. With sitting hurting like hell, I had take a lot of medicine to not make my “pain face” during all of our adventures.

We had so much fun and made friends for a life time in those 5 days. But I feel like I missed out on being in the moment sometimes. I had to keep up with a pill schedule so I could stay on top of the pain and be an effective leader. So there I was sitting in a gorgeous waterfall surrounded by nature and thinking about how many hours until my next pill.

During Thanksgiving, I barely tasted the food because I was eating so fast. Sitting for a full meal just wasn’t an option. Playing with my nephew wasn’t an option. Fully engaging in activities with my family wasn’t an option. I just spent a lot of time alone, lying flat.

When I took courses on chronic pain conditions, they emphasized the side effects of the pain. Fear of movement, isolation, and depression to name a few. As my pain days became more common and severe, it was easy to become isolated. I didn’t want to hurt myself more and I didn’t want to bring everyone else down with me. So, I removed myself from social situations all together.

Attaching the label chronic

I never wanted to label my pain as chronic. Chronic is recurring and won’t go away with a wish. My back as been in and out of pain for 7 years. So, it doesn’t matter if I call it chronic or not. It still comes back month after month. Honestly, I just didn’t want to admit I needed to make huge lifestyle changes, just to live an active life.

I am going to have to get massages more than once a month, I need to lose weight, strengthen my core, see a chiropractor on a regular schedule, try new things like acupuncture, watch my diet for inflammatory foods, change my sleep habits, and dramatically reduce my stress. All these things take more money, more time and a lot of effort. As much as I really don’t want to change, I can’t keep ignoring my body screaming at me.

I’m searching to find the perfect treatment mix to keep me active and happy. I am going to document it all on this blog to hold myself accountable.

Let’s help each other out.

If you have any suggestions on where to start, please comment them below or send me links on Instagram or Facebook @kaylaarthurlmt