Regrouping after Hard Hits
When life knocks me down, I don't have to immediately jump back up and start swinging. I can sit on the floor, take a deep breath, regroup, then bounce back like a champ. That’s my way of saying I’m processing my emotions and responding instead of reacting.
This year has been hitting us hard
No matter how many new protocols I follow, I'm still unsafe. That is the general message at the end of every "Covid-19 protocols for massage therapy" articles I've read the last few months. I kept hoping for the magic list of protocols that would make my career mostly safe again, but it still hasn't come. My livelihood became risky to pursue.
This year feels like a series of gut punches.
The pandemic was a body blow on top of the more familiar wound. I keep watching as Black men, women and children are being murdered by police and other white supremacists across the country year after year and now, during this pandemic too.
My sense of safety was getting its ass kicked by 2020.
I stopped, I didn't freeze.
Flight, fight or freeze responses happen in highly stressful situations like if someone is being physically attacked. It protects us from danger. Before therapy, I lived my life in that stress response even without any threat of immediate danger. That's why it’s important for me to distinguish the difference.
Freeze is an involuntary reaction in my body and stopping is my choice.
My first choice was about consumption.
Social media was a constant stream of traumatic images and videos. I had to get off completely for a few days. I still read or had my husband recap the news because I care about the current events. I just didn't need to see traumatic pictures repeatedly throughout the day to know what was happening in the world.
I also established boundaries with other people. That way, I didn't have to be "on" in any aspect of my life that would force me to fake a smile.
I've been processing,
That starts for me with letting all my tears out. I allowed myself to cry every time I felt like crying. I know that seems simple but it's not for me. The pain and grief I feel is deep and the old me is good at bottling up emotions.
I donated money to organizations that align with my beliefs. Because that's the best I could do to contribute now. I can’t ignore the real life changes that need to be made, that won’t help us in the long run.
Then I brought out my back up.
I've researched and talked to my ancestors. I read the Slave Narratives at the Library of Congress for the county my paternal family is from, then I cried again.
I forgot that I had so much strength, power and resilience in my DNA. They were so amazing and I'm a part of them. The more I learn about their past, the more hope I have for my future. Sounds cheesy but I really feel it.
Talking to them and leaning into these emotions helped me process what's happening. It changed my whole mindset.
I reached out to living people too. I told my therapist I was having a really hard time. We talked about everything and I felt better. I always feel better after talking to her, that's why she's my therapist.
I'm bouncing back.
No big change has happened to either situation that initially made me feel so unsafe. They are both still unsafe situations; they cause immense pain across many communities and my feelings about them are still valid.
What has changed is me. Giving myself several days to fully rest and process what's going on, is saving my mind.
This year is a year of change on every level. Grief comes with (even good) change and fear comes with big changes. When you feel overwhelmed by these feelings, how are you take care of yourself?
Ways to take care of yourself:
Therapy:
Ask for recommendations from friends or research online for a therapist that specializes in your problem.
You don't know if you can afford therapy until you ask what the fee is.
Call therapists you’re interested in and ask if they do sliding scale therapy. Income based therapy is a good choice for people without insurance.
Our state has several mental health centers; they will have therapy and meds at no cost if you can't afford it. But you must meet certain qualifications first.
Physician:
Ask you family doctor about medicine for what your feeling. If your struggling, medication could be what you need. Just because you take it now, doesn't mean you'll need it forever.
Other ways to promote wellness:
Reiki is deeply relaxing, great for calming down the nervous system and can be done remotely. My services are here to work along with other health treatments not as an alternative. You can book them here.
Spirituality, religion and spiritual leaders is the oldest support team in the playbook.
Praying, for me, is like a journal that I say out loud. I talk to God and ask for guidance. I'm not religious but I believe in prayer.
Talking honestly and openly to trusted leaders in your community helps too. Grounded leaders give good advice.
A place to start:
Start talking to the professionals listed above and they will introduce you to a variety of other practices and resources for mental health and wellness. All I can give you right now is my experiences and a place to start when your trying to feel better.
I don’t know how 2020 will end up but I do know this: we shouldn’t have to feel like we are constantly fighting for our lives. We deserve time to process our emotions and a support system to help us get through the hard parts.